An Addiction

It’s an addiction you know.
You can tell yourself that you have it under control.
Even the people that you’re affecting, that it’s not a big deal.
Is it?
Your conversations all freeze in between just so that you can finish a sentence with “him.”
He ultimately consumes you.
Not before you give in and accomplish those tasks so cleverly thought out.
He knows you.
Inside and out.
Every thought, look, feeling.
He’s there.
Not a conscience.
Not the devil on your shoulder.
No something much worse.

He’s you!
You’re very deep conscious.
Not a part of you but you in a whole.
Shake him, you think.
Nope he replies.
Help you say.
From whom he replies.
Finally you yell WHY.
He replies, why not.
For it is your every wish that he is portraying.
And you know that he’s right when he tells you ever so softly, I know you want it.
Stop, I can stop!
He replies: Can you?
God give me strength you pray.
Oh he is with you he says.
Make up your mind why don’t you he says again.
It is what you want, it is what you crave, then why do you tell yourself to have it?
It will complete you?
It can numb your pain?
Will it blind you from what’s already there?
No
There is no substitute for it.
In the end only you can say NO and turn away.
And yes it will always be there to hint and nudge you on.